It is said that having a personality disorder is a problem because it causes distress. So if one finds a way to alleviate that distress from the discovery of a symbiotic relationship, how can this be unhealthy? I am an empath. I can literally feel the emotions and experiences of other people, and I am very sensitive to it. I can safely say that having this ‘disorder’ has caused me distress and dysfunction in relationships and life. I have the cliché story of having a string of failed relationships spawned from my own making. When I am first with someone, I unintentionally get inside of them and become what the need. I, in this way, mirror the sociopath, though the core intentions are polarized. Eventually I break away from the relationship and blame the person for not really ‘knowing’ me. It’s very unnerving and it is not healthy.
The longest relationship I’ve had lasted almost five years. I think the reason it lasted that long, was because his emotions were shallow, and somewhat easier to deal with. This is where the sociopath comes in. I am in love with a sociopath, and this love, as strange as it sounds, feels healthy. Being with the sociopath releases me from having to bear the burden of the empath, because he does not have or express feelings like other people. Therefore, I do not have to feel them, and I am free to think and do as I like. Conversely, he does not bear the burden of having to fake emotions with me, because I do not want them. I am relieved to not have to feel them or deal with them. We are symbiotic.
Also, we are like the yin yang. We each have a small part of each other inside ourselves. I have the ability to shut off by my own will and/or automatically when confronted with situations that are too overbearing, i.e. consoling people or witnessing distress. This part of me was always confusing and made me question whether or not I had sociopathic tendencies. In this way I can also relate to him on some level. And for my sociopath, if delicately balanced circumstances are present, he is able to feel love and/or remorse on the rare occasion as well.
Another reason our relationship works is because we are pretty evolved forms of what makes us up. We are both self-reflective and have the capacity to harness the other side. We give ourselves rules, and try to not succumb to ourselves. It could be said that we have defenses. I had dated a, for lack of a better word, stupid sociopath years ago. He was not able to keep composure. He killed animals and played games with people for entertainment. This is the mark of the typical sociopath people speak of. Though I could see the nature of our attraction was unique, it wasn’t going to work, because when he discovered that I could conjure up his emotions, he could not handle them correctly. I ended up breaking his heart, the heart he supposedly didn’t have.
The sociopath I have now is also handicapped by me, but so am I he. Where my shutting off could benefit me in dealing with him, I lose a part of myself. And whereas his having feelings for me helps him experience emotion, it also makes him vulnerable. Either way I am his crutch, and he is my false limb. He is useful to me and I am grateful for him, even though he is not real.
